I really don’t know anymore where the days have gone. The past few weeks–has it only been weeks?–have been a stressful, confusing blur.
Because Oneal and his dad tested positive for COVID-19, we agreed that I should bring our son to my mother’s house in Antipolo, to avoid further exposure. I packed clothes, my work laptop, a few of his books and toys, meds and masks, some of Lucas’s favorite snacks. I was so stressed and tired that I completely forgot to pack any makeup or accessories–and if you know me, you’d know that those are among the first things I pack for a trip!
For the first few days, I could still feel the fatigue all over my body. But when the fatigue passed, I was finally able to breathe again.
It was a relief to focus only on Lucas. It was such a comfort to know that if I needed to do something, someone else could play or read or watch TV with Lucas for a while. It was such a load off my mind that I could lie down to rest or nap, and not worry about Lucas.
I was able to focus on work, and I was able to write. I could eat, and sit on the couch to watch a few episodes of Jack Ryan. I could make myself coffee and sit in the garden.
I didn’t have to run up and down the stairs. I didn’t worry about waking up late and having to make breakfast in a hurry. I didn’t need to worry about preparing meals or cleaning up by myself.
I realize it’s a privilege to have a place to go, where we can rest and isolate. I’m incredibly lucky to have family who did not hesitate to take us in and take care of us. And I’m grateful that I can work during this pandemic too, and my son can still go to school online. I know that all of these things are beyond the reach of many people whose families have been touched by COVID-19.
As of this writing, we’ve been with my mom and my brother for over a week. I already feel like a different person from the one who was running up and down the stairs, worrying about feeding the family. I can only hope to hang on to this calm when we go back.
Or maybe I just need staycations with my mom more often!